Slippage

My father looked at me with his glassy eyes. The back of his head was matted with dried blood as his face became visibly paler.

His hand flexed as he dragged me closer to him, “The past affects the future.”
Groaning from the effort, “Why shouldn’t the future effect the past.”

The men appeared and carried him to the limousine, with me following as fast as my little legs could carry me.

My mother waved for me to come back, I understand now she stayed because there was a possibility she had seen the shooter.

I started shivering- not from the air conditioning of the limousine- but from shock as I struggled to clutch his hand. We sped past red lights as the car swayed back and forth which had become almost a second home to me on the campaign.

At this point I was almost at as delirious as he was, “Please Dad, you can’t talk.”
“It is my last chance to truly talk, all the useless chatter over the last months to thousands of strangers. While I must have said a handful of words to the person I love the most.”
Black bile dripped down his chin while I clung to the nape of his neck trying to keep his head upright.

“When I was your age, I used to hate having my haircut. It was the water spray, just hated feeling that icky wetness stuck to the back of my scalp. The fear was irrational, but I know now it why.” The back of his head slipped as the car skidded into the hospital forecourt.

His eyes rolled to the back of his head before regaining consciousness after a coughing fit. Men were shouting outside.

“I don’t have long…. I knew I was dead as soon as I stepped up on that stage.”
He clutched his at heart, which continued to pump blood out of the hole in his chest onto the thick leather seats.

“Some how deep down I knew, since I was born I would die like that. The future reaches back into the past, such a strong event has shaped my life up to this point.”

The door opened and two hospital orderlies began to look over the mortally wounded man.

“I was given signs which I ignored. But now I’m free from that divine trap
Free… ”
I can’t recall the exact moment the life left his daunt face, the tears stung my eyes though desperately I tried to look into his eyes one more time.
The service pulled me away though I clung on viciously. For the first time in my life I screamed, and though loud noises had horrified me all my life I screamed till my lung gave out. Regardless there was nothing the doctor’s could do.
I think a lot about what he said in that short car ride that has lived on in my head for years.
I connect dots the between the past and present  constantly trying to form a picture that will identify the slippage from the future. It has been futile and I do not know what the “signs” are2015.
The only clue I have is my abhorrence to loud noises which has been a constant ailment throughout life.
What I know for sure is that when my end comes, it will come in deafening fury.

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