Kill your local drug dealer

How simple the world seems when you condense it into words.
How easy life would be if we could boil down the decisions and dilemmas into a phrase.

We’re out of milk and eggs.
Then simply command yourself, “Go to the store.” Great!

Your marriage is a sham.
Then simply command yourself, “Kill her then yourself.” Not so great!

Not all imperative phrases are equally valuable. Following that logic, there must be rationally a phrase that is at the top of that dominance hierarchy, the king of all phrases. This ‘king of phrases’ would seem to have almost magical power, speak it aloud, like Ali Baba, and move mountains with words. Imagine the power… it is a pity I don’t know it and I doubt you know it either.

Don’t despair, I have a hunch we can find it using the only magic left to man: deductive reasoning. I say we promote a random phrase as an experiment and treat it as the golden phrase, surely it will reveal itself as a sham but we will have learnt a lot and perhaps have a bearing to follow.

Have you ever considered how God shapes the world without ever appearing? I have theorised that He might operate through a subtle web of words which echo over and over in our minds. It is a mental phenomenon I have felt often, some foreign word or strange name has become stuck in the turning cogs of my mind which begins to skip over and over again like a warped record. For our faux-king phrase, I’ll choose something that has been floating around in my head for some time.

Kill your local drug dealer.

Perhaps Beelzebub whispered this one in my ear rather than an angel. I saw it on an image board, I won’t say which because you can probably already guess. As vulgar as it is, it is an interesting bit of rhetoric. Now let’s imagine by some alchemy that we have boiled down all human language to this singular phrase which is conveniently in English. Kill your local drug dealer. It is in the imperative, a command – but more than that is the call to battle, a call to adventure. More than that, it is the call of a purpose: to serve a cause bigger than yourself and what is a greater than serve yourself to the cause of the betterment of others. Feel it’s primal power, how simple it would be to just clean up the world of the filth and addiction but purging those who profit from it. Remember that it is your drug dealer that we are discussing, so imagine him or her.

I have one in mind, his patchy beard, long hair and loose fitting clothes. Small, black eyes like a Magpies’. He drove an old Holden, its purple gloss was peeling at the edges. He only dealt out of the car. So I walk up and tap on the glass, he recognises me, he dealt to A_____, an old friend I don’t see much anymore. The window rolls down slowly, too slowly, my hands shake and sweat causing my grip on the box cutter to slip and fall to the ground. I pick it up before he can see what it is.
The scumbag smiles, “Yo Conor! Long time no see, compadre.”
I don’t smile back and just as he begins to realise something isn’t right, I strike. There is noise and fury and eventually a long silence.

And if I had done it sooner maybe A____ wouldn’t have lost his fucking mind from abusing psychedelics.

I know what it feels like to be stabbed, it isn’t necessarily frightening just chaotic. The pain comes a long time after, the liquid feels wet and warm, it drips down your shirt and dormant childhood fears of wetting your pants come to the surface. So when you kill your local drug dealer don’t feel bad about using a knife, it is all over a lot quicker for them than it is for you. The burden is on you to fix the world and you also have the burden of carrying those bloody images around till you also face the reaper. A drug dealer is a sick lamb, it has fallen off the right path and broken its legs, they won’t mend and can’t be fixed – do them a mercy. Kill your local drug dealer.

I see a sparkle of interest in your eyes but they are also glazed over in hesitation, in fear, and the worst of all, in indifference. I will break down the phrase for you word by word, every angle and concept will be explored. Rest easy friend, by the end of this book you will kill your local drug dealer.


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